OUGD501 - Studio Brief 01 - Improving Essay Referencing

The main pointers given in the essay were to change/further support certain points. Looking back, it is clear that I had found the content for some points but forgot to reference in the sources. The three main points that I have addressed can be seen below.



1) Ten Walls Reference. In the essay I made the following point:

Reposts on various social media platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter, caused the story to go viral worldwide, and as a result, huge festivals, such as Creamfields, Pitch and many others, removed Ten Walls from their lineups. Today, Ten Walls has made a slight return; however, his reputation is still damaged. Whilst social media has had a positive impact, with his music becoming widely known through promoted posts and shares, it has also had a huge, long-lasting negative impact on his brand image as a whole.

This was initially found on the Independent's website, who wrote an article particularly on how festivals had removed him from their lineups. I managed to find the article online again and referenced it into the essay.

DJ Ten Walls dropped from festivals after shocking homophobic Facebook rant, 2015, The Independent. Available at: http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/ten-walls-dj-dropped-from-festivals-including-creamfields-after-anti-gay-facebook-post-10305650.html

2) The second point that I made in the essay regards the #McDStories campaign. The main highlighted point that needed referencing is:

The Los Angeles Times reported that the campaign was pulled within two hours, yet Twitter users continued to use the hashtag for much longer.

Upon further research online, I found that the article I had been reading was taken down. Forbes, however, reference the LA Times in their online report. As Forbes is a very trustworthy source, I feel confident that they were true to what the LA Times initially reported. As I can not reference the LA Times online article, I chose to reword the point, to say:

According to Forbes, the Los Angeles Times reported that the campaign was pulled within two hours, yet Twitter users continued to use the hashtag for much longer (2012). 

This is not directly quoting the LA Times, and allows me to reference the Forbes article, which is still available online.

3) As for the third point, Simon suggests that I take out a long quote and re-reference it into my own words. Reading back over the point now, it is clear that it can be much more concise. 

By re-wording the quote, I was able to condense the point into one paragraph: 

Essentially, this indicates that 40% of people prefer to buy from Amazon, purely because they have implemented their data into the shopping experience, to ensure that the content is personal and appropriate to users. In an industry report on Amazon, Greg Linden, Brent Smith, and Jeremy York explain that their store radically changes, depending on customer interests, to make their platform more personalized than any other shopping site (2003).

Other than these three main points, there was no other feedback given regarding referencing. The next stage in the process is to look at the general comments given and further improve the essay into a final draft.